A “friend” visited me this past weekend. She came in Friday and was staying until Monday. I was very happy to see her as we have known each other since high school and its always great to catch up. She and I went on a double date. She with her boyfriend (who was coming in from out of town) and I was going to meet her boyfriend’s cousin. We both met the cousin for the first time Friday evening, before we all went out Saturday (the day her bf flew into town…it was my first time meeting him as well). In High school my “friend” was always a very aggressive with how she spoke, acted and even a tap on the shoulder felt like someone had punched.
Saturday rolls around and we go to pick up the cousin to pick her man up from the airport and go to dinner right after. Everything is going somewhat ok. During our conversation with the cousin, she starts to tell us some things that has been going on with her and man (HIS cousin). I personally didn’t think it was the right time or appropriate, considering you just met this man and its his cousin.
Moving on. As the evening progressed, she continues with her usual aggressive talk and attitude. Don’t get me wrong. I am not a follower nor am I afraid to speak up. However, this was her event and she was visiting so I ignored it. However, by the time we got to the restaurant, I had finally had enough. I asked to accompany me to the bathroom. I explained to her that I DO NOT GET OUT and wanted to have a good time. Did ya hear me? I told her that I rarely get out, so when I do, I want to have a fantastic time. Also, told her that the conversation about her issues with her and her man was something that should be handled privately and at another time. Unless we are doing a coaching session, I don’t want to solve people’s problem when I am out trying to have a good time. I can keep going on and on about all things she said and did to upset me and kill the mood for all of us. But I am trying to keep the story short and get to the point that I don’t want you to miss.
Fast forwarding to the next day. I could tell she was mad at me because when she saw me for the first time that day, she didn’t bother to speak. I couldn’t figure out what the problem was. So I decided to call her (she had left the house with her bf) and asked what was the problem because I noticed that her attitude had changed. She said that as her friend, I should go along with her and her rude/childish behavior, as many of us had done with her in high school. She didn’t say those exact words, but that’s what she meant. I told her that I am NOT a YES FRIEND and DON’T want any YES FRIENDS in my life.
Are we holding our friends accountable when they do something wrong? Are we correcting them when we know that what they are doing is wrong? When do we grow up and realize that just because I am your friend, I am not going to agree with you all the time and that does not make me a bad friend. A real friend is going to pull you to the side, as I did, and tell you how your behavior is affecting me/others. If the friend has reached maturity, they will understand and bite their tongue for the sake of others.
If your friend is about to get hit by a car, would you not yell/scream to get their attention? YES! Would you not dive to push them out the way to save their life? YES! This is the same thing. Every improvement we make in our life, is life saving and can change so much around us and others. When people see positive growth in others, it has a domino effect of positivity. We are not in high school and need to carry ourselves as such and that means that from time to time, we may need to remind our friends of that. From time to time we may need to sit with our friend(s) and let them know that their behavior is unacceptable. That does not make you a bad friend.
Don’t be a YES FRIEND. Be a REAL FRIEND.
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